Survivor

Have you ever been on a juice cleanse? If not, I’ll explain it for you. After feeling like you might have eaten too much junk food and you feel as if you need some TLC in your body and diet, you go on a juice cleanse. For a few days (or depending on how long you choose to do it for) you are drinking strictly juice and water. It gets tiring after a while, but once you’re done, you feel so much better. Almost like a new person. That’s how depression is, in a sense.

I was depressed for five months. That might not seem like a long time to some of you, but for me, it was new and felt like five years. It was absolutely miserable and a lot of different factors contributed to the depression. I did not take any medicine because I am very stubborn on any sort of medication. Ask my mom, she knows this for a fact. I won’t go into details on why I went through that phase and what happened, but I will tell you how I am doing now. For starters, I’m not depressed. I get sad sometimes, but it’s never a recurring misery for being alive. I have moved on in life and I truly do feel so much happier and I am at peace.

When you come out of depression, you go through different waves of emotions. Some nights, you couldn’t be happier. The other nights, it almost feels as if you’re in the black hole again. It’s been almost three months since I have been healed from depression. When you go through the “cleanse” of depression, there’s still some left over emotion and grief. It’s inevitable, but it’s not a bad thing. It’s actually very healthy to go through those stages of after shock. It means that you’re really getting in touch with your emotions again and you will be able to see and feel more clearly since there’s no more waste. Once all of the left over toxins and unhealthy emotions leave your body, you are left clean and a new person.

I never recognized how bad I was drowning until I looked to see how far I’ve come. I also thought it would be impossible for me to restore myself and come back to who used to be. Instead, I became a different person than I was. My faith for God has grown stronger than ever before and I finally feel comfortable and confident that what I am doing in life is his path for me. God uses broken people and I believe that I would not be born-again if I didn’t go through certain things this past year. Rahab was a prostitute; she was broken and flawed, and yet she was faithful to God. When the spies came into the city of Jericho, she helped them escape the king and they repaid her by saving her family. She had faith in God and his people and is an example as righteous and faithful by her actions. He used her to teach other people how to follow God and I know he did it on purpose.

Any recovery process takes time and sometimes, you get the feel as if it is coming back. It happens with anything that takes healing. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for God, family, and real friends. I want to make a disclaimer though. I was not diagnosed with depression and I honestly didn’t even think depression was a real thing and I thought it was just being sad for a long period of time. I realized it’s more than that and mental health is serious and needs to be taken care of properly. I thought about seeing a therapist, but I was too stubborn to do so. mental health is just as important as physical health and it needs to be taken care of properly. Not everyone knows how, but it starts with talking to someone. A friend, your family, someone new, or someone old. Sometimes writing out your feelings is easier than a phone call. If you feel like you need to talk to someone, here’s a free number to text. It’s a crisis counselor hotline. It’s never too late to talk to someone. The number is 741-741.

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