I wrote this small poem a few years back. I titled it, “Look How Far I’ve Come.” Looking back at it now, I didn’t correctly title it. What should’ve been said is, “I’m Not Even There Yet.”
I look back on this past year alone because it was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Through emotional abuse, unhealthy relationships, peer pressure gone extreme, and the will of giving up, I didn’t even know that what I thought was hard back then, would be proven wrong.
Here’s the new version of “Look How Far I’ve Come.”
I was the girl who hid in her closet, not because of hide and seek, but because I was afraid.
I was the girl who would hide behind her mom, not because it was cute, but because I was scared of people.
I was the girl in school who ate with the teacher at lunch, not because I wanted to, but because I had to since the other kids were mean to me.
I was fearful.
I got my first black eye in first grade. It was by a boy who thought I was ugly and fat.
“It happens; everyone goes through it.” This was different though. I was alone and scared.
I was so scared, I was homeschooled for two years because everyone always makes fun of the kids who come in the middle of the school year.
Freshman year comes. I was slapped in the face by a guy so he could prove to his friends that I had no power.
Sophomore year; I got hate messages. I was told that I was worthless and too fat to stand.
Junior year; You think it would stop by now, but it doesn’t. An upperclassman came up to my face and yelled at me. He later threw things at me that left marks for a week.
Senior year; my best friend says I’m too fat to be anything in life and tells me I should just give up because I don’t mean anything to him or anyone else.
Look how far I’ve come when just three months ago I hated my life. I hated who I was and I wanted to give up. I hit rock bottom so hard that it became a physical pain and not just emotional.
I have people to thank for saving my life. I have my mom and my dad, then my coach, I have my sister, Marybeth. These people changed me this year. There are more though, the biggest change in my life happened when I became close with Linda Olofsson and Elizabeth Muren. They truly saved me and helped me find my way back to God.
I love God. I love life. I love my family. I love my new friends. This is truly the first time I have been satisfied with who I am and where I’m going in life. I wouldn’t have been here without these people. I went from miserable and physically and emotionally exhausted of life to loving every second and believing in God and trusting him with everything. I have never been happier.