I woke up at 2:30am and debated on not showing up to go hiking, but I knew I would regret it if I didn’t. I was exhausted. I only slept for 3 hours last night and I was in desperate need for coffee. I got ready and made sure to pack everything I needed; a granola bar, my inhaler, and a bottle of water. I got to Coach’s house at 3:30am and I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to watch the sunrise on the top of the incline. I was daydreaming about the view. We get to the bottom of the incline around 4:10 and I was starting to get scared. I already have this ridiculous fear of stairs and if you haven’t been to the incline or know what it is, it’s a giant set of stairs that goes up a mountain. The first 100 feet were easy but I did need to take a break every once in awhile. As we get to the thicker set of stairs, the slope gets steeper and the steps get taller. I was having the hardest time breathing and I was so behind from the rest of the group. They kept saying that once you get a rhythm then it gets easier but with the exercise induced asthma, it gets harder. My breathing was becoming very restricted and the inhaler didn’t help anything. I felt so weak.
This is the time I felt like a failure. I was already having problems breathing and even making it halfway and it seemed as if the steps never ended. I would look back and get so scared from how steep the mountain is and I would look up and feel stuck. It was like I wasn’t moving the more steps I took. At one point, my breathing became so restricted that I had to sit down and actually wait till I could breathe again. I started uncontrollably crying and it took everything in em to not give up. This was one of the hardest challenges I have faced. I get about halfway at 5:00am. I can see the cutout at the top where there’s a railing and a bench. That was my end goal for this point. I was crawling on my hands and needs and I had scrapes on me knees that I honestly have no idea how they got there. I was sweating and it was only 40 degrees but the more I pushed myself, the hotter I got and the harder it was to breathe. I wanted this entire trip to be over because I was so exhausted and I couldn’t go any farther. My legs didn’t hurt but it was my breathing that challenged me the most. I got to the cutout which is about 3/4th’s of the way to the top. By this point, the rest of the group was ahead of me by far, except one person. I couldn’t have finished without him helping me and motivating me. Once I was at the cutout at around 5:20am, I tapped out. The steps got to the point where it was basically a ladder and there was not enough foot room to get on one step. I knew I wouldn’t have been able to go any farther, just with the way I was breathing, but once I got to the cutout, I felt relieved. I was so exhausted and it took everything in me to not give up, even when I was at my worst. I sat there and turned on some worship music on my phone and just relaxed. I watched the sunrise and I was at peace. I’ve never seen anything more breathtaking than what was in front of me at that time. All of the pain left my body and I just stared off into the distance.
This hike reflected my life. I was getting my butt kicked by this never-ending staircase and I couldn’t breathe well enough to continue. I was going through life with the things I needed but the wrong mindset. When I was reaching the breaking point, I knew I couldn’t give up just yet. Every single step was every single day; I needed a break every once in awhile and it just kept getting harder and harder. Once I got to my goal, the pain went away. I wasn’t stressed anymore. My goal this year was to be happy with my life. It took a lot to get to that point, just like it took everything in me to continue onto the next step. I wanted to give up. I was so exhausted from the things I faced on the trail and in life. People would beat me down and the work just got harder and harder but I did it. I had someone next to me, staying behind to help me. When I physically couldn’t go another step, he proved me wrong. He stood behind me every step since I was afraid to fall and encouraged me to keep going.
People misunderstand the power of God; Honestly. I know for a fact that God saved my life. We have the materials to be completely devoted to God but yet some of us don’t use them. He gives us strength that we take for granted, hope that is ignored, and power that we don’t use. We become blind to the miracles and then we fall. We get lost in hope and ignore the signs he shows us. I ignored him. I feel terrible about it, honestly. I overlooked all the things he was showing me because of how sad I was. The thing is, I was sad because I felt like he wasn’t there, but when I look back at this past year, I was sad because I wasn’t there. I went blind to him and what he can do in my life. I wanted to just give up and wake up in ten years when I had my life figured out. I abandoned who I wanted to be and took everything for granted. Now that I can see who he is and I can listen to his guidance, everything is so much easier. I can think and not get stressed out anymore, I don’t walk in fear, and I don’t doubt him.