I lost sight in people. I saw people as they were in that moment and not in their lifetime. I couldn’t forgive the ones who caused me serious pain because they deserved the worst for what they did. It’s not like it was impossible, but I was stubborn and blind. I chose not to see them for their strengths, but their weaknesses and what they did wrong in the world. I didn’t want to forgive them because the amount of suffering they gave me. They didn’t do anything to earn my forgiveness. I didn’t realize till later how crucial it is. Things happen in life that aren’t necessarily your proudest moments and they might affect you mentally and physically, but letting that break down everything inside of you isn’t healthy.
I watched The Shack recently and I’m not usually into those kind of movies, but since I read the book, I knew I had to watch it. This movie opened my eyes to a new word, it seemed. I won’t give any spoilers, but if you haven’t seen it, go watch it right now. In the movie, they had different needs that God can fulfill. There was the father figure, forgiveness, wisdom, and it goes on. He caters to what you need at that point in time. Forgiveness hit me hard. He had to forgive the man who killed his daughter and it was one of the hardest things for him to do.
This was one of the biggest impacts I’ve had in my entire life. Just to see another person hurt and trying to forgive the one who caused the pain then gave into God and forgave them for the better. He was at peace after it. I prayed. I prayed and cried out to God to receive wisdom and the strength to forgive the ones who hurt me. It was hard. One of the hardest things to do and I can say that without God, I wouldn’t have forgiven them. At first, I didn’t see the need since they didn’t deserve it, but I realized, I deserved it. I deserved to move on and grow rather than be in pain and having my feet glued to the ground. I deserved to be strong. That’s all I wanted. I knew if I didn’t forgive them, I wouldn’t be able to grow and be free again. After everything that has happened, I forgave them.
I forgave the people who caused me so much physical and emotional pain. I cried so much because I wanted them to receive punishment for what they did to me. It made it even worse since they got away with it. I forgave the people who blamed me and who yelled at me for the things I didn’t even know were my fault. I forgave the people who did nothing to help me. The people who stood behind me, just to watch. I forgave the ones who caused the black eyes, bruises on my body, long nights crying, and the heartaches. Just because I did this, doesn’t mean I want them in my life, it just means I can move on with mine. I can say that I defeated the enemies in my head and I can say I made it through the depressing thoughts. I’d rather keep my life moving forward than stand at a paused state where I keep looking back at the times I wasn’t okay. Moving on is so much more important than giving them the satisfactory of my sadness. I moved on. I looked past everything that has happened. Just because you’re in so much pain and agony, doesn’t mean you can’t move on and forgive them. Even if you were the one to hurt yourself, forgive.
Having the strength of forgiveness is so much more important than being miserable of the boy who gave you a black eye, the friend who yelled at you to leave, the man who made you feel less of a person, and the girl who called you fat. Those might seem big to some, but my God is so much bigger than them. When I forgave them, I was released from the pain. It felt as if God himself grabbed my hand and walked me through the hall of people who caused me pain. He is so much greater than all of them put together. The hundreds of people who’ve hurt you, the thousands of people who looked past it, and the millions of people who ignore it; God is greater than all of them.