Here’s what you did to me.
I had a ball dodged at me multiple times when I was in kindergarten and I was sent back to the classroom with the teacher to make them stop. I got punched in the face by a boy in the first grade. A group of kids would chase me at recess so I had to start sitting with the teachers. One of the kids in the neighborhood would throw rocks at me whenever I came outside. Two other boys in my neighborhood would punch me and find ways to watch me while I was using the restroom or changing into my bathing suit. Anyways, the list goes on. There’s so much more but there would be no way I would be able to finish this if I were to list everything that happened. These were only from kindergarten to second grade, too. It continues into my senior year, just not as physical.
I would receive text messages on how to lose 25lbs fast and saying I’m too overweight to be a cheerleader. People would give me dirty looks in the hall then I would hear them whispering how I shouldn’t be wearing what I am cause I look fat in it. I would get made fun of my nose because it had a little hump on it. That drove me to plastic surgery. It was mainly to fix my breathing since I broke it quite a few times but I wanted to make sure he could change it so it would look better. I was self conscious. I would wear baggy shirts and jeans and my hair would be down to cover up my neck and my forehead. I wanted to cover up all of my insecurities so nobody would make comments about them.
I really don’t know how I kinda “recovered” from hearing all of this stuff and being physically beaten up for it. I’ve had my moments when I just felt like giving up and going to bed and never coming out. I got out of that phase though. There’s no easy way, honestly. There will always be people out there who just want to hurt you and will criticize everything about you and your looks. You can’t change the way they see you and their feelings towards you. You can only change the way you see yourself and your perspective on what you see in the mirror and how you feel.
So thank you to the bullies. Thank you for hurting me and breaking me down. Thank you for making fun of my body and for beating me, physically and mentally. For every rock that was thrown at me to every word that was said, thank you.
I would not be myself without you. I could’ve chosen to given up, but I didn’t. Thanks to you, I didn’t give up. I found a reason to fight back and to grow stronger. Every single one of you told me to just give up but I saw it as a reminder that I had to beat you. I had to win in some way. Even if I couldn’t punch back, stand up for myself, or run, I knew this was the way to defeat you. I saw myself as ugly, fat, disgusting, stupid, everything you have ever said to me. I truly did see myself like that. Thanks to you, I gave myself a way to overcome this. I hate being wrong. It’s a strength and weakness, but in this case, it was my biggest strength. I proved every one of y’all wrong by my stubbornness.