I Had This Friend…

I had this friend. They were my best friend. We would do everything together. One day, that friend left me. Being the one with social anxiety, I was scared because this meant I was alone. I had no other true friends besides this one. What was I going to do? Weeks later, this friend comes back to me because they need help in their relationship. I let my guards down too fast and I would later regret that. They kept saying that they didn’t like their relationship and that they were trying to break up with the other person. I didn’t want to sound pushy, so I let I just said, “do what’s best for you.” That’s all I said. I cared about this person because of how much time we’ve spent together.

Weeks after the reconnection, they got mad at me. I don’t know why, but they did. It was almost as if someone was with them as they were accusing me of something I never did. I just listened. I was too scared to speak up, but I wasn’t going to let it hurt me more than it has. I stopped listening. I blocked them out and just moved on with my life.

Months after that, they came back apologizing to me and felt terrible on how they treated me. I didn’t let my guard down because I was hurt that I lost my only friend and now all they want is to get back into my life. I had this gut feeling that they were going to hurt me again, so I kept my guards up. We talked for awhile. They told me that they weren’t seeing that one person anymore and it didn’t really matter to me because I just wanted to figure out if they even cared about my feelings or not. They don’t. We got into this argument that I honestly can’t remember what it was about but apparently, I was doing everything wrong again. It was my fault they broke up, it was my fault that I’m lonely, and it was my fault that they were yelling at me. I’m not the “conflict” person who provokes everything and aims for fights. I’m more of the stay back and observe type. I try to avoid conflict in my personal life as best as I can. Anyways, they were getting mad. Very frustrated and angry to where I couldn’t say anything. I told them that I’m not going to let them yell at me about this stuff because I truly didn’t do anything of what they were accusing me of doing and that I had no part in anything because I didn’t even know the other person. We didn’t even talk while they were breaking up. After I said I didn’t need them if all they were going to do was hurt me, I was

After I said I didn’t need them if all they were going to do was hurt me, I was told, “you’re too overweight to be a real cheerleader.” This came from my best friend. After having a 2-hour argument of what I did wrong in life. I was told I will never be successful and that I’m just some stupid girl who can’t do anything right. I shouldn’t have let it affect me, but I did. I took every bit of it in. I was trying to fix myself. I worked hard to lose weight and to remain a healthy lifestyle, while at the same time I felt alone and sad because I have always been bullied with my weight and appearance.

This friend was a guy. I trusted him. He knew that I was self-conscious about my appearance. He even worked out with me. I’m not overweight. I’m 5’4 and weigh 130lbs. That’s not overweight at all, but I let myself think that. I let myself lose confidence over it and I started to care more than ever on how I looked and how other people looked at me.

Don’t let them hurt you. Your insecurities are nothing. You say you’re fat, you just have a little extra love on you, that’s it. You say you’re too tall, you’re almost tall enough to be a supermodel. You’re too skinny, you can eat without getting fat, and I would pay money to do that. Look at the positive things about yourself. I like my legs. I think I have great legs. I might still hate the way I look at times but everyone has bad days. You can change the way you react to it though. Think about yourself more positively. No one wants to be in a hole filled with depression just because you’re self-conscious. You want to brighten your life and stop caring about what other people have to say about you. It doesn’t matter. This is your life. Don’t let others change the way you see yourself, just because you don’t like something that God gave to you. Use it to your advantage. Don’t hide it.

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